just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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