his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
