Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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