Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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