"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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