Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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