soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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