hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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