I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
