how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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