It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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