from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
