Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
