and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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