so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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