he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
