i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
