Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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