I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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