Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
