I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
