I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
