What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
