im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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