Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
