Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think a kid would responsible me up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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