just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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