She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
