I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
