My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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