Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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