im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
