a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
