The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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