I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
