Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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