Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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