then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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