my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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