someone threw a dead crab at me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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