Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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