I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
