can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
