I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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