Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
