we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
