she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
