About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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