She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
