It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
