so explain again why im purple
no
I think I am morally bankrupt
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
