when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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