I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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