So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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