Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
