Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
