I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
