took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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