Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your penis caused this!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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