the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
