I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
